So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Randomize
