the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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