Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
