He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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