Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
