dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
i came on her dog
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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