just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Randomize
