apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
I booty called her while she was in labor.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
