thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
What a fucking waste of an outfit
I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
