I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
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