She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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