At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
