since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Randomize