how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Randomize
