I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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