then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Send help, water and tortillas.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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