dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Randomize
