First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
