I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
