I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
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