You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
