my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
