I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Randomize
