we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Randomize
