his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Randomize
