you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
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