Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Randomize
