Nicole vs. Life
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
God I need to hump something, right now.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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