Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
literally had 100 drinks last night.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
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