your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
