Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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