the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
