If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
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