We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
I stole a fireplace last night.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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