xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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