I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize
