the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Randomize
