I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Randomize
