its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
