what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
