so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
