I accidentally had phone sex last night
wakey wakey hands off snakey
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
