He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Randomize
