I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Randomize
