i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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