He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Randomize
