We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
