I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Randomize
