This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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