She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Are these your boobs on my camera?
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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