Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Randomize
