you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
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