she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize
