now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I AM VODKA MAN
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Randomize
