So drunk its hurt
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Randomize
