Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
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