Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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