Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
