When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
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