I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Randomize
