what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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