Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Dick very happy bro
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