this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
